Where Does My Heart Beat Now?
by purplepagoda
Summary: This is set around season 3. What if things between Rory and Jess had gone differently?
1. Chapter 1

_May 14th 2002:_

_She sat on a park bench with him, staring into his dark eyes. Without warning he touched her face, with his hand. He cradled her chin, and pulled her in. Their lips met... and she kissed him back. She was with someone else, but she didn't care. In that instant she felt completely consumed. Everything she knew, it went out the window. After that kiss... everything was a blur._

June 25th, 2002:

She's sitting a room in the National's Capital, scared out of her mind. She collects herself, and her things, and goes out for fresh air.

September 24th 2002:

The ride home is quieter than expected. After arriving home she heads straight to her room. She's sitting on her bed, when her mother comes in.

"What's with you? You're being awfully quiet."

"Nothing," she lies.

"Rory are you sure?"

"I'm just tired," she admits.

"I don't buy it. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing," she lies again.

"Rory why are you being so withdrawn? What is wrong?"

"Mom I'm just tired, and I'm cranky..."

"Ok. Take a nap then," Lorelai throws up her hands in defeat. She leaves the room.

Rory listens as her mother makes her way up the stairs. She then sneaks out the back door. She walks into town, making a beeline for the diner.

"Hey, Rory. You're back!"

"Hey, Luke. Is Jess around here somewhere?"

"He's upstairs."

"Thanks," she heads for the staircase. When she opens the door to the apartment she finds Jess making out with a girl. After introductions the girl leaves, slamming the door behind her.

"She seems lovely," Rory starts the conversation.

"Do you need something?"

"We need to talk."

"About what Miss Gilmore?"

"Jess don't be a smart ass."

"What's up?" he questions taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"I need to tell you something," she admits.

"You're madly in love with me?"

"That's not what I need to tell you."

"What then?"

"You're not going to like it."

"I like you, so I'll probably be able to forgive you."

"I'm not so sure."

"You act like it's life or death."

"You could say that."

"Meaning?"

"It involves a life, and probably your death."

"My death? Why?"

"You're probably going to be murdered."

"Why? What did I do? Who's going to murder me? You?"

"Not me. I'm the least of your worries."

"Why are you acting so strange?"

"I'm... I feel like my life is spiraling out of control."

"D.C. was that bad?"

"It wasn't D.C.. It's just life."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"About what?"

"About you, about Dean, about school, about my mother, or my grandparents, the baby, about anything."

"Back up. What did you just say?"

"About anything?'

"Before that?"

"My grandparents?"

"After that."

She takes a deep breath, "The baby?"

"Yeah, that. What baby? Whose baby? Was that a joke or..."

"It wasn't a joke."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm losing my mind. I'm scared to death and I need... I just need you to tell me that you're not going to be angry."

"Why would I be angry?"

"I'm having a baby," she answers.

"I got that much. Why would that make me angry?"

"I'm almost five months along."

"Am I supposed to be angry that I'm just now finding out?"

"If you want."

"Why should I be angry?"

She points to him, and then to herself, "We're having a baby."

"We? As in you and me?"

"Yes," she nods.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry."

"Why? It's not your fault. Accidents happen."

"That's not how anyone else is going to see it," she points out, on the verge of tears, standing next to the table. He rises from his seat, he walks over to her, and wraps his arms around her.

"It's ok," he whispers.

She holds on to him tightly.

"I'm not going anywhere," he promises.

"But..."

"Rory, I'm not going anywhere. I may irresponsible, I may be a jerk, but... this isn't something I'm going to walk away from. I never really had a father, I don't want to be like him."

She lets go. She stares at him, in a new light. He wipes the tears from her cheeks.

"I'm assuming that Lorelai doesn't know yet."

"She doesn't know any of it."

"Do you want me to be there when you tell her?"

"I don't think it's a good idea. You should probably leave for a day or two, until she and Luke cool off."

"I'll take my chances. I want to be here if you need me."

"Who are you?"

He shrugs, "I guess I'm gonna be a father."


	2. Chapter 2

Lorelai is on the couch, watching T.V. when she returns. She comes in the house, and takes a seat on the couch next to her mother. She takes the remote and flips off the T.V.

"Where have you been, and what are you doing?"

"I just took a walk."

"Rory what gives?" she questions.

"Mom we need to talk."

"I know."

"You do?"

"I know that you're thinking about breaking up with Dean..."

"Mom, that's the least important thing right now."

"Are you going to break up with him?"

"Yes," she confirms.

"For Jess?"

"Not exactly."

"But you would like to be with him?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"Is that what you wanted to talk about?"

"Not exactly."

"What's on your mind?"

"Only about a million things."

"Which one would you like to talk to me about?"

"None of them."

"Pick one," Lorelai suggests.

"I'm sorry."

"No good conversation starts off like that," she points out.

"I know. You're not going to like this conversation."

"You want to become a Nun?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"You'd like to give up your dream of college, and be a gypsy?"

"No."

"So, daughter, what is on your mind?"

"Being a disappointment."

"You could never be a disappointment."

"I wouldn't speak so soon," Rory warns.

"You look like you're going to cry."

"I probably will, and I'm guessing that you will too."

"You're starting to scare me. Rory what is gong on?"

"I've made a mistake."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure that we can fix it."

"No. This isn't something that can be fixed."

"So then learn from your mistake, and move on."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"It isn't that simple."

"What kind of a mistake did you make?"

"A huge one."

"Like what? How bad can it be? Did you wreck the Jeep?"

"No."

"What happened?"

Her eyes brim with tears, she shakes her head, and shrugs, "I don't know, I just know it did."

"It? What happened?"

"I can't tell you. I can't do this," she gets off the couch, and runs into her room. She closes the door behind her. Lorelai goes after her. She bangs on the door.

"Mom go away!"

"Rory what is going on? Talk to me."

"Where's my suitcase?" Rory asks in panic.

"I took it. I was getting ready to do laundry."

"Please don't."

"Why not?"

"Just don't," Rory begs.

Lorelai moves away from the door. She walks over to the table, where the suitcase sits. She unzips it, and begins going through it. Nothing unusual. Clothes, and a couple souvenirs, and a notebook.

"Are you going through my stuff?"

"Why don't you come out here and see?" Lorelai questions, opening the notebook. She begins reading, realizing it's Rory's diary. She flips through the pages, until she finds one that is written in Red. No other pages up until that point were red. The rest had been blue, or black.

Rory opens the door. She flies across the kitchen. "What are you doing?" she shrieks as she tears the notebook out of Lorelai's hand.

"What is going on? I want to know right now."

"I had sex," she answers.

Lorelai sinks into the kitchen chair. She takes a deep breath. "Why?"

"I... It was a mistake. I didn't mean for it to happen. It was...stupid."

"You had sex with Dean?"

Rory shakes her head.

"With who? Did you have sex while you were in D.C.?"

"No I didn't."

"So then when? With who?"

"You don't want to know."

"Rory please don't tell me that you had sex with Jess. Please."

"I can't tell you that."

"Why not?"

"Because it would be a lie."

"I don't understand."

"It was stupid. I'm never having sex again."

"It was terrible?"

"um..."

"What made you reach that conclusion?"

"It was stupid. I'm too young to have sex. I'm not emotionally ready."

"I know that, why are you telling me that?"

"Because, it's true."

"Is that really the reason?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"What is the reason?"

"I'm not ready to deal with the consequences."

"What consequences?"

"The consequences that can happen."


	3. Chapter 3

"Don't say it," Lorelai warns.

"Ok," Rory agrees.

"Ok because... why?"

"Ok because I don't want to break your heart."

"No," Lorelai shakes her head. Her eyes fill with tears. "Don't tell me that you're pregnant. I don't want to hear that."

"Ok," Rory nods.

"Ok? No it's not ok. You know better. Rory you know better."

"I know."

"So..." Lorelai stares at Rory's face, and then moves to her stomach.

"I don't want to be pregnant."

"Do you think that you are?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Good," Lorelai finally takes a breath.

"I know I am," Rory admits.

"Oh," Lorelai's heart sinks. "You're certain?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"How sure?"

"A hundred percent."

"What do you want to do?" Lorelai asks calmly.

"I... I don't know. I don't want this."

"Ok," Lorelai agrees.

"There's not much of a choice now."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't do anything right now."

"Why not?"

"It's too late."

"Too late? What do you mean by too late?"

"I have to have it."

"Why? Rory how..."

"It happened in May."

"May... that was..."

"Almost five months ago."

"Five months? How long exactly?"

"Nineteen weeks."

"Nineteen weeks? You've got to be kidding me. Why am I just now finding out?"

"I was scared. I didn't want to tell you."

"How long have you known?"

"About three months."

"You should have told me."

"I know."

"I'm going to kill him."

"It's not his fault."

"I beg to differ."

"You can't kill him."

"Why not?"

"You just can't. I need you to stay out of jail. I need you."

"Does he know?"

"Yes. I just told him."

"So he's gone by now?"

"No. He said that he's not going anywhere."

"Don't be naive."

"Don't be mean," Rory counters.

"Sorry... I just... I can't believe this."

"I'm sorry."

"Are you sure?"

Rory lifts up her shirt, "I'm sure. I've felt it move."

"Oh," Lorelai's heart sinks. Rory pulls her shirt back down.

"I'm going to go talk to Luke."

"Ok," Rory nods.

"I would tell you to stay out of trouble while I'm gone... but..."

Lorelai makes it to the diner in record time. She doesn't speak to Luke when she walks in the door. She grabs him by the shirt, and shoves him to the staircase.

"Whoa! What is wrong with you?"

"Go upstairs! I don't want to make a scene in public."

"About what?"

"Luke, please!"

He goes up the stairs into the apartment. She closes the door behind her.

"What is this about?"

"Where is your nephew?"

"He said something about going to get another job, he said he had bills to pay or something. I don't know what bills he's talking about but..."

"He's probably talking about hospital bills."

"Hospital bills? Why?"

"For when I put him there."

"Why? What did he do?"

"He ruined everything."

"Ruined what?"

"My daughter."

"Ruined her? He hasn't seen Rory is months how could he ruin her?"

"You're going to be a great uncle."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I'm going to be a... good lord, I'm too young to be a grandmother."

"What? What is going on?"

"Your nephew impregnated my daughter."

"He did what?"

"Impregnated her."

"Please tell me that you mean he impregnated her with knowledge..."

"No, with a baby."

"A baby? Rory is having a baby? I just saw her like an hour ago. Are you sure? She doesn't look like she's having a baby."

"I assure you that she is."

"When?"

"In like five months."

"What?"

"She got pregnant in May."

"May? Why didn't you say something earlier?"

"She just told me."


	4. Chapter 4

The apartment door flies open. Jess steps in. He closes the door behind himself. Luke and Lorelai stare him down.

"Go ahead, beat me, but please don't kill me. I would like to get to see my child before I die."

"So it is true?" Luke questions.

"Yes. I fully intend to do everything I can to take care of Rory, and the baby. I know that I probably can't do it on my own, but I'm going to do everything that I can. I want to be there for my kid, no matter what."

Lorelai stares at him in disbelief. Luke stares at him in shock.

"I'll work four jobs if it's what I need to do to support the baby."

"You'll finish school," Lorelai, and Luke say in unison.

"And I'll finish school. And I'll change diapers, and get up for two a.m. feedings."

"Saying, and doing it, are two very different things."

"Yes Lorelai, I know," Jess admits.

"How did this happen?" Luke questions.

"I don't know," he shrugs.

"You don't know?" Lorelai questions.

"I mean I know where babies come from, but we used protection."

"And you still got her pregnant?" Lorelai quizzes.

"It was dumb, I know that."

"Damn right!" Luke agrees.

"We need to figure out how this is going to work," Lorelai points out.

"Does Rory want to keep the baby?" Jess questions.

"I don't know," Lorelai shrugs.

"I'll support whatever decision she makes," Jess adds.

"What do you want?" Lorelai asks him point blank.

"Please don't tell Rory, I don't want to affect her decision, but I wish that she'd keep it."

"You do?"

"Yeah," he nods, "But I don't want her to give up her dreams, so if giving it up is the right thing for her, she can do that."

Lorelai looks at Luke, "Who is this kid?"

"I've never met him before," Luke admits.

"We all agree that no matter what it takes Rory goes to college, any college she wants. Right?" Jess questions.

They both nod.

"I should get home to her," Lorelai admits.

"I'd like to talk to her," Jess requests.

Lorelai doesn't respond.

"What can it hurt? I can't get her anymore pregnant than she already is," he points out.

"Ok," Lorelai agrees.

Jess goes to Lorelai's while Lorelai stops off to grab dinner. He knocks on the door, Rory lets him in.

"Can we talk?"

"Yes," Rory nods.

"I'll do whatever I can to make this work."

"Make what work?"

"Whatever you want. For yourself, for the baby, for us. Anything you want I'll do it."

"You're going to have to prove that."

"I know. I'm not going to let you down."

"Will you be angry if I don't want to keep the baby?"

"No."

"Will you be angry if I do?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Have you gone to see a doctor yet?"

"No."

"You should."

"I know."

"I'd like to go."

"Ok," she agrees.

"Are you sure?"

"It's your baby too."

"I know that this isn't what you wanted..."

She cuts him off, "It's not, but I put myself in this position."

"I helped."

"You're not the one who made the decision to have sex."

"I kissed you."

Lorelai listens from the kitchen.

"But you didn't push me into it. You weren't the one who wanted to do it."

"I did, but I never would have asked you."

"Why not?"

"You're different. You're a prize and..."

"I'm not."

"Just because you've made a mistake doesn't make you any less of a person. You are still going to reach your dreams. I'll make sure of it."

"How can you be so calm?"

"I can't change the situation, I can only change myself. I want to be the best father that I can be."

"Hey guys, I've got pizza," Lorelai calls from the kitchen.

"Coming," Rory answers. Jess follows her into the kitchen.

Lorelai grabs plates and glasses.

"Hey Jess can you help me with the washer for a second? It's off balance?"

"Sure," he agrees.

Lorelai goes outside. Jess follows her, making sure to close the door behind them.

"You don't want me to fix the washer do you?"

"If you could I'd give you a Nobel prize, but that's not why I wanted you to come out here."

"What do you need?"

"I'd like to call a truce."

"Ok," he agrees.

"Yep. I think you got it!" She announces loudly.


	5. Chapter 5

September 27th

"Rory you've been awfully quiet is something wrong?"

"No grandma. I'm fine."

"Tell us more about your trip," Richard begs.

"I think I've told you just about everything."

"Guys, it's getting late, Rory and I should get going," Lorelai interjects.

"It's only ten o'clock."

"We've got a card tournament tomorrow, early in the morning," Lorelai lies.

"With who?" Emily questions.

"Luke," Lorelai answers.

"The diner man?" Emily questions.

"Yep," Lorelai nods.

"Rory are you feel ok?"

"Yes Grandma, I'm fine."

"You look pale."

"I spent a lot of time inside this summer. It was too hot to be outside."

"Emily stop badgering her," Richard warns.

"Is that shirt new? I've never seen it before," Emily asks Rory.

"Yes."

"I've never seen you wear anything like that before."

"I'm trying new things," Rory bluffs.

"It seems sort of big, don't you think?" Emily wonders.

"I may have gained a few pounds this summer, we had a lot of good food."

"I see. So do you and Dean have plans this weekend?"

"No Grandma, we broke up."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Richard comments.

"Rory we should get going. We have that thing we have to do."

"Right, we should go."

"I'll see you out," Richard offers.

Rory and Lorelai are out the door when Emily calls after Lorelai.

"Lorelai can I speak to you for a moment?"

"Yeah. Rory do you have the keys?"

"Yep," she answers.

"What's up mom?"

"What's going on with Rory?"

"Nothing. Why?"

"She seems so distracted, and you're trying to rush her out of here."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"She doesn't usually act that way."

"What way? Tired?"

"Yes exactly. And she's so pale. You should get her checked out. You know I've read a very interesting study about more and more teens being anemic because of the lack of iron in their diet."

"Well I'll be sure to get her to eat some iron."

"Ok."

"Good night."

"Goodbye Lorelai."

Lorelai jaunts to the Jeep. As she's pulling out of the driveway Rory comments, "That was close."

"She thinks that you're anemic."

"I probably am."

"That's the least of your issues."

"We should be able to sort all of them out on Monday."

"Monday? What's Monday?"

"I'm going to the doctor."

"Right," Lorelai nods.

"Do you think that I'll get to see it?"

"Yes you probably will."

"What will it look like?"

"I'm guessing it will look like a dinosaur, or maybe a tiger-shark."

"Very funny."

"I'm guessing that it will look like a little baby."

The following afternoon after Rory gets done with school she meets Lorelai at Luke's to pick up Jess. Rory waits at the counter.

"Yes?"

"I'd like a cup of coffee."

"No coffee for you," Luke answers.

Lorelai smiles, "Can I have one?"

"Most certainly," he agrees. He pours her a cup of coffee.

"Why can she have one, but I can't? I haven't had any all day. It's just one cup," Rory argues.

"You know why. You know how I feel about it," Luke responds.

"Can I have a brownie?" Rory questions.

"I suppose," he agrees.

Luke hands Rory a brownie as Jess comes down the stairs.

"Let's go, we're going to be late!" Jess comments.

"You're the one getting all dolled up," Lorelai jokes.

"We don't have time to argue, let's go."

An hour later they arrive at the doctor's office. Twenty minutes after that the doctor comes in. He asks lots of questions, and looks at lots of things. Lorelai sits on one side of Rory, and Jess on the other.

"Let's take a look at your baby," the doctor instructs.

All eyes stare at the screen as the doctor moves the probe over Rory's barely there abdomen.

"Is it ok?" Rory questions.

"Everything looks normal. What you're hearing is the heartbeat, and it's great."

"That's the head?" Jess questions, pointing to the screen.

"Yes," the doctor nods.

"Would you like to know what you're having?"

Rory looks to Jess, "It's up to you," he answers.

"Do you want to know?"

"It doesn't matter to me. I think it's a girl, but it doesn't matter one way or another. You're the one who is impatient."

"You're right."

"Is that a yes?" the doctor clarifies.

"Yes," Rory answers.


	6. Chapter 6

Lorelai drops Jess off at the diner, and then takes Rory home. Luke is waiting upstairs for Jess, when he comes in.

"How did the appointment go?" Luke questions.

"Great," Jess smiles.

"Did you get to see the baby?"

"Yeah, I've got pictures."

Jess takes a seat at the table, and hands Luke three black and white stills.

"This is the baby?"

"Yes that is my daughter."

"Daughter?"

"It's a girl."

"How did Rory take it?"

"She's glad it's not a boy."

"And Lorelai?"

"Wishes it wasn't real."

"Do you think that she's going to keep her?"

"I don't know. I hope so."

"You should get going. You've got work."

"Yeah. I'll see you later."

"Did you eat?"

"Yes," he lies.

Rory sits on the couch in her pajamas. Lorelai comes inside, and takes a seat next to her.

"I brought you dinner, and a present."

"What kind of a present?"

"A book. I don't know if you want it or not, but I thought that you could look at it."

"A baby name book?" Rory questions staring at the book.

"Uh huh."

"Did you buy it in Stars Hollow?"

"Yeah. I told Kirk I was thinking of getting a dog, but I wanted to name it before I got it."

"He bought it?"

"Yeah."

"What am I going to do about school?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want anyone to know that..."

"You've got to finish school."

"I know but..."

"But what?"

"I don't want to be at Chilton pregnant."

"So we'll tell everyone that you're going to study abroad for six months."

"How will I make up the credit?"

"We'll enroll you in online classes that would be equivalent to what you're taking now."

"Ok. Mom..."

"Yes?"

"I don't want to go to school starting tomorrow."

"Ok."

"Ok?"

"What am I going to say? I want you to go to school and be miserable?"

"Yes. I did this to myself."

"You had help."

"I know but..."

"Rory you've got to start making these decisions. You're having a baby. It's your baby, and they're your decisions to make."

"Ok."

"How long are you planning on hiding this from your grandparents?"

"Until they die."

"Which could be sooner rather than later, if they find out."

"Can we cancel this week?"

"You can try."

October 4th

"I can't believe that you couldn't get us out of this," Rory huffs as Lorelai pulls into the Gilmore's driveway.

"Don't blame me. Blame yourself for being a terrible liar."

"Let's just get this over with."

"My sentiments exactly."

"Do we have to? It's not too late. We could leave now. They'd never know."

"Trust me Rory she'll know. Now get out."

"You can tell them that I went to Europe to study abroad for a semester."

"You can tell them that lie yourself," Lorelai responds.

"Fine," she huffs.

The room is silent as they eat. They just stare at each other. Rory avoids making eye contact with Emily.

"Ok. I'm just going to come out and say it," Emily begins.

"Say what?" Lorelai questions.

"I've heard a rumor," Emily admits.

"What rumor?" Lorelai asks coyly.

"That Rory has quit Chilton."

"That's not true," Rory admits.

"But you have not been attending Chilton for the last few days," Emily answers.

"Right."

"Why not?" Richard questions.

"I'm going to go study abroad for a semester. It's just such a great opportunity that I couldn't pass it up," Rory lies.

"When do you leave?" Richard questions.

"Tomorrow," she lies.

"Where are you going?" Emily questions.

"Finland," Rory admits.

"Rory!"

"Yes grandma?"

"Why are you lying?"

"I'm not. Why would I lie about that?"

"Emily stop it. Why would she lie to us?" Richard questions.

"Because she's hiding something."

"Like what, Emily?"

"Ok. It's a lie, I'm not really going to Finland."

"Ha! I knew it."

"I'm going to France. I'm not proud of it, but I'm going to France," Rory lies.

"Why would you lie about that?" Emily wonders.

"I didn't want to be drilled in French. My French is rusty, and I don't want to disappoint you guys."


End file.
